Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
