So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize