it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
