Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
