I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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