Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Who died my cat blue again?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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