Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
