Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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