does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
