every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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