please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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