I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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