what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
