I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
