my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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