He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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