we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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