They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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