She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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