Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
