Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I supernannyed him into submission
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
