We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
