i just wanna soil my oats bro
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
