so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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