You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Sober January is a disaster.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize