Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
