the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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