eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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