bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Four minutes until I can fart!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm really busy with my period
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