Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
