Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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