But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
