i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
if only i could text you this smell
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize