It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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