You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
A bitchslap is in order.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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