I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i will never coherently bang her
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
