Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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