my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
This is my gift to your gina
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
