I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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