I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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