my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
