hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You are a genius and a whore.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He has the fingertips of a God
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
