if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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