Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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