Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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