There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
