Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
