I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
