What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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