I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
