dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
