i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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