girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
