We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
