Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
