so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
