i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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