It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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