apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
