Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
