I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
