so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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