haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
