Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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