Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
