You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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