You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
