This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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