to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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