I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
