he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
