You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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