My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
