she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
