I need help removing her.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
