do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
