Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just found a bag of teeth...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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