My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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