a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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