This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
