I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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