we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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