Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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