There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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