Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
