in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
