dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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