i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You need Xanax blowdarts
The uberlube is also flammable
my poor anus
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
