Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize