Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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