Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
