Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
