i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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