It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
