I'm going to jail i love you
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
