He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
one might say we're banned from that church
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize