My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
