found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
